Lovable fights can add fun to your married life

Marriage is a very sweet bond, which gains its strength with time. It is very important for you and your life partner to give time and space to each other, so that to have a well maintained married life. Marriage is the bond, which needs a lot of care and time to come at a stage, where both, you and your life partner understand each other very well and have no scope for doubts and misunderstandings. There are fights and misunderstandings in every relation, but sometimes, small fights between the couple can add fun to the married life. It actually adds cherishable moments in your journey of married life.

It is also said, the more you fight with your life partner, you are bound to form stronger bond with him. So, there is no harm in having small tiffs with your partner, because in a way, it gives an opportunity to know his highs and lows. This also gives you a clarity on the relationship you share with your partner, and where are you lacking behind. It is very important to fill the gaps, between husband and wife, to give a smooth shape to their married life. In fact, if there are problems in your married life, then its better to talk about that and just way off the issues from your precious bond.

Having a small fight with your partner, and by not talking to him for one or two days, actually makes both of you realise the importance of each other. Getting apart for a small time period increases the urge of being together and reinforces all the feelings of love and care in both the bride and groom. So, next time, if you have a fight with your love, then first of all don’t let it drag for long, and make the best use of it and try and understand, where did you lack behind and what made you to have an argument with your life partner. Always try and learn from your mistakes and you must keep it in mind that you must not repeat those mistakes, which would annoy your life partner.

Nervousness before the first meeting for matchmaking

As we grow up, we get to be more mature, leaving behind all the childishness and bubbliness in our behaviour. It’s because, with time, we are required to take decisions, which are often for life time, and have the power to make or ruin our whole life. One such decision is choosing the right life partner for marriage. Marriages in India are always considered as the life time bond, which binds the bride and groom with each other for the rest of their lives. In case of love marriage, you know the highs and lows of the person and it’s a well sought and tested decision. But, in case of arranged marriages, the time from when the talks about the marriage start, the tensions and a ticklish feeling start arousing around us. The nervousness before meeting the prospective bride or groom is unexplainable and plus the sweet and sour flavours are added by the family members and the relatives.

This suddenly came to my mind, because one of my friends is going through this stage and I can feel what he is going through all these days. Every moment you have this thing in mind, what would you talk to her, how would she react, will she like me, what would happen, and a series of questions keeps on banging your head every moment. It’s something, which is beyond explanation and plus when you know, once said yes, cannot be brought back. This is really inexplicable and different, something which you would never have experienced before.

The only thing, which I think and would suggest to all my friends going through this stage, is be positive and have an optimistic approach in whatever you do. I know nothing much can be drawn out of those ten minutes discussion, but try and take the best use of those few minutes and transform them to the best minutes of your life. Because, whether you say yes or no, it has to be for your good. So be alert and cautious at every step. ‘Just be yourself’, is the mantra and remember by following this, you can win over any situation.

Journey of Indian Marriages

Indian marriages have traversed a long way from the days when couples hardly met each other before the wedding to the times of today when they make an informed, well though out decision on marriage after several meetings. Marriages used to last for a lifetime earlier but now they break up at any instant due to trivial issues.

Dr. Vijay Nagaswami in his recent book titled ‘The Fifty-50 Marriage: Return to Intimacy’ talks about issues revolving around marriage and their solutions. The idea of marriage has changed tremendously over generations- from being a spiritualistic institution to a pragmatic one. This is commendable as it moves on from the level of being a ritualistic exercise to the one where the couple is involved and ‘owns’ it. This sacred relationship has always been on a backburner until few decades ago where husbands and wives viewed the relation as a role play. It is much more than role playing in modern times with couples getting engaged as life partners and human beings.

The kind of love in the course of relation may change but the magic never dies down, be it an arranged or love marriage. Dr. Nagaswami says that romantic love in the initial years of a marriage gets replaced by either intimate love or nurturing love. As couples are much more demanding-both men and women- they make efforts to accentuate the quality of their lives and relations. It has become a novel idea for them since what they had seen in their parents’ marriage as a kid has undergone a complete transformation. The roles of women as home makers and men as bread winners do not exist anymore at least in urban India.

A married couple today is like partnering of two individuals embarking on the journey called life!

Youth and Caste System in India

Marriages are synonymous to lifetime commitments and eternal bonding in India. But, it all seems to be much ado about nothing with so many obstacles being created by family folks and peers around marriages. Even after 63 years of independence, an individual cannot exercise the right to choose his/ her life partner.

Why do we keep reading about something or the other bothering our community elders every other day? An unnecessary fuss is always created over things like caste, religion, sect or sub-caste (gotra) and what not! How is it that parents and brothers prefer killing their daughters and sisters in the name of ‘honor’ than let them spend their lives with persons of their choice. It is very disheartening to see young couples dying for being in love across rural and urban areas in India.

Why is such injustice and brutality earmarking the concept of acceptable marriage? Rather than reinforcing the already weak institution of marriage, the so-called moral police of the society are further deteriorating it. Marriages make for celebrated occasions but are now continually associated with violence, murder, un-acceptance and betrayal that too not between the spouses but their relatives.

It is alarming to see that in a country where same-sex marriages are legal, a person is disowned if he chooses a life partner even of opposite sex. It spells extremes of death and doom on the couple daring to select a partner of his/ her choice. When we have progressed so much on all fronts and claim to have made women achieve empowerment why is it that we are still caught in trivial issues like caste, religion, gotra, etc. Let us open our minds and let everyone live their lives as they wish without dictating and dominating them. Our elders need to understand and live and let live.

Presence of celebrities in marriages

A marriage in India corresponds to fun, enjoyment, masti, pop and gaiety. We are always in wait of our cousins to get married, so that we can have fun- filled time there. All the peppiness and friendliness experienced in the marriage of one our close relatives cannot actually match any of the functions attended in life. The chores and the naughty things at the relative’s weddings form great memories and are unforgettable. You generally carry and rejoice these memories for life long. Marriage in itself is a huge event and just imagine how special it would become if some celebrity joins the wedding ceremony.

Now- a- days presence of celebrities in the wedding ceremonies is a common practise, but for that you need to shed a huge amount from your pocket. The presence of celebrities in a wedding makes it more entertaining and more talked about. These celebrities vary according to the standards of the family members of the bride and the groom. It can vary from a laughter champion to a film actor. The contacts of the family members, with any of the people from the film industry also turn out to be productive at the time of marriage, with their glimpse or presence at the marriage function. Just one glance of the film stars, or just one photographs of their with the Indian marrying couple makes the moment more memorable and cherished for long.

It is actually one of those lavishes, which can only be bared by the brats of top nosh people of the society. It is kinds of that expenditure, which can only be spend by those who have that extra money to spend. This is also in a way to show the standards and the capabilities of the family by having an extravagant wedding affair. Also in India, the film stars are actually worshiped as god, so their presence in a wedding ceremony adds a lot the importance of marriage from just being an event. I, personally have never got the chance of witnessing such marriages, but surely would want to, atleast for once and add those moments in the memories of my life time.

Marriages becoming more of a compromise

Marriage as a bond has always been cherished by couples. Married couples have always taken marriage as a life long bond and have from ages has been considered as a relation, which is meant to be forever. The forever bond of marriage has its longitivity due to the factors of love, care, trust and understanding. These elements are must to be instilled in the married life to sustain the bond of marriage and to make sure that the husband and wife lead a smooth and a happy married life. But, with the changing times and changing preferences of the people, marriage is no longer based on the factors of trust and care.

The emotions has no role to play in today’s world, what every body seeks for, at the end of the day is profit and growth. Love, sentiments, faith, all seems to be fading away with the people making more use of their brain rather than their hearts. And I would not be wrong in saying that marriages have become more of like a compromise than a bond based on mutual understanding. The couples should understand that if they feed their married life with the four basic elements of marriage, i.e. love, understanding, care and trust, then their married life would be more beautiful and worth living.

The couple needs to make sure that they share a good bonding between each other. The bond shared between them should not only be a show-off or an official tag to show the world that they are together, but their togetherness should actually because they need each other. Their married life should be a reflection of each others care and trust. Times are changing, our mindsets are changing but we should not allow the negative factors affect our mind and change the meaning of marriage and love in our lives.

May 16, 2010 : The Day of Wedding Extravaganza

Marriage season was in resplendence on the auspicious day of Akshaya Tritiya on Sunday. If Mumbai witnessed the solemnization of 60,000 marriages, Delhi echoed wedding vows of around 20,000 couples. The tri-city of Chandigarh (including Panchkula, Chandigarh and Mohali) observed 200 marriages while Hubli in Karnataka saw at least 100 couples tying the blissful knot on one of the most favorable days in Hindu calendar.

All marriage halls, caterers, decorators, shamiyanas, photographers, priests, henna artists in these cities had their hands full after a lull of nearly six months. The day of Akshaya Tritiya is considered so fortunate that with almost a lakh couples getting married, there was a shortage of labourers and prices had shoot up 15 to 40% for various services. Wherever one turned, flower bedecked, brightly lit hotels and banquet halls with overflowing guests could be seen all around.

Huge wedding rush around the country could be seen with almost everyone invited to a wedding. Both government & private hotels & banquet halls were chock-a-block in Delhi and Mumbai with thousands of couple seeking blessings to start their new lives. The booking for this day had been done well in advance by most of the would-be couples to avoid any hassles later. Akshaya Tritiya is considered to be a lucky day to start a new business or to get married.

On trying to find the reason behind such popularity of the day, I found the legend associated with it. Akshaya Tritiya is traditionally celebrated as the birthday of the sixth avatar or incarnation of Lord Vishnu, the Hindu sage Parashurama. ‘Akshaya’ means the 'never diminishing' in Sanskrit and the day is widely believed to bring good luck and success in all new ventures undertaken. People across the country start new businesses, invest in gold and get married on this day.

Giving space to your life partner

The tag- handle with care does not only go with the delicate items made of glass and crystal, but these days, the tag is most suitable with the relationship shared between husband and wife. I hope that you will agree with me on the fact that relationship shared between married couples, though is very strong in terms of understanding and bonding, but at the same time is very subtle and emotional. You have to be very careful with the measures to make your relationship long-lasting and trustworthy. Marriage is the bond, which has dual nature, at times it is the strongest and sometimes it seems to be the weakest.

Well its weak or strong depends on the couple itself, they need to make sure that the strength of their relation is stable enough, that no one is able to create misunderstandings in their relationship. The steps have to be taken by both the husband and wife to ensure the longitivity of their love and bond shared. These days, being independent and self driven are the motives of every individual, whether its bride or groom, everyone wants to maintain their individuality and seek personal comfort and space in their lives. A common phenomenon, which is seen these days, is that either the husband or the wife has this habit of digging in too much in the lives of their partners. They need to understand the significance of the element of individuality and space required in each others life.

Peeping into the lives of others, after an extent becomes a headache for the person. Its fine to believe that they are your life partner and you have the right to know all the important happenings in their life, but this does not allows you to sit on his head every second. Everybody needs his space to live, and this is your duty as his partner to provide him that space and let him live the way he wants. This ways, the relation goes very smooth and a very healthy understanding and bonding is seen in such couples, who possess this attitude of taking things coolly and allowing your partner his space, where he can live his own life according to his wishes, obviously remaining in his limits.

Before Getting Married…

Wedding marks the beginning of a new life as the couple is tied in the bond of love forever. The meaning of marriage, today, is not complete without the mention of practicality though emotions continue to hold a significant place. It is very important that before making this lifetime commitment called marriage, one is 100% sure about seeing the match as future wife or husband.

Practicality, for modern generation, is as important as emotions and feelings. That means one should be completely aware of the financial position, religious beliefs, career comfort, personal space and family plan of his/ her would-be spouse before the wedding. One should not get married only because their parents or relatives believe it to be a good match. The concept of ‘arranged marriage’ has also modified with changing times as a couple doesn’t decide to tie the knot until they are comfortable with each other.

And then, how can one marry only because somebody has told them to? One needs to get into the depth of his/ her would-be partner’s life and know them and their lifestyle better. This is why the period of courtship is considered to be the most crucial and delicate times of a person’s life. Courtship is a phase where the prospective couple gets to know if they really are made for each other. They get to know more about the future spouse’s likes/ dislikes, lifestyle, behavior, general beliefs etc.

According to Indian beliefs, ‘Marriages are made in heaven’ and this bond does not last for only one but for seven lives. So, one should be prudent before pursuing this heavenly bond. Try to know if the potential partner is romantic, what religious beliefs are followed, how financially stable are they, when do they plan to begin the family, will they support the career moves, will there be some personal space in the relation and other such things. This shall help in making the right choice!

Marriage: A Commercial Business?

Marriage is a sacred union between a man and a woman who make a promise to be together for lifetime. This is why such long pujas and ceremonies are performed to strengthen the matrimony.

But, it seems this lifetime bond called marriage has also come under the knife of glamour. Television industry has decided to take a big leap by conducting swayamvars on national TV, the new in-thing, catching everyone’s attention. Coming up with multitude of ‘reality shows’ on TV related to everything one can think of, from performing tasks to talent hunts to blind dating to raising kids to weight losing to speaking truth to loyalty tests …they have done it all. It is now the turn of finding prospective grooms and brides for the celebrities on Indian television.

Amidst the shutterbugs, Rakhi Sawant followed by Rahul Mahajan were found looking for right life partners. These were supposedly the reality shows where based on the skills of the prospective matches, they would choose their better halves. Each contestant gets to ‘hobnob’ with the celebrity seeking partner but instead of being a tête-à-tête as it should be, it has become a matter of national show. By now, we all are aware of the realism in the reality based shows; to me, they are a mere gimmick to attract audience, thus the TRPs, by generating sensationalism.

Marriage, too, has clearly become commercialized. Television broadcasts are made for Indian audience to gaze at the very private and exclusive meetings between the prospective couple. Is it really alright to objectify men and women in such a manner? Is there no way of stopping such commercializing of relations? We always say it’s their business and when they don’t mind, why should we. But, is shrugging off to everything happening around really the right way of dealing with them?