Marriage Counseling a Must for Couples

Marriages in India are breaking up at an alarming rate and this is worrying everyone from parents to couples alike. The change in psyche on divorce has made it a casual affair as people are now seen flaunting their divorcee status.

Lifestyle problems, low tolerance levels, lack of communication, shortage of quality time, work frustration, etc. are some of the major problems that lead to breakup in a marriage. The trend is just the same in both arranged and love marriages as these problems can prevail between any two individuals living together.

An alarming 40 percent of the marriages, especially in metros are heading for breakups. This whopping figure makes it extremely important for couples to go through marriage counseling before tying the blissful knot. Though more number of couples have been coming forward to the idea of counseling, it is still not sufficient.

Marriage Counseling counsels the relationship of two people by putting in an effort to recognize and to manage better the possible troublesome differences between them. Couple therapy or marital therapy is based on core principles crucial to a marriage like respect, empathy, consent, accountability, trust, compatibility, love, care and others. Today’s intricate life of uncertainties and fluctuations make it difficult to remain stress-free and compromise with situations.

The tendency to overreact and restlessness is growing these days to lack of patience and fleeting speed of life. Everyone is looking for success and quick fun in a short period of time while the value and importance attached to relationships reduce continuously. In today’s world, one needs to take help from outside to maintain a relationship be it of any kind. But, we need to take out time from the hectic life; sit and relax and think about how we can keep our relationships steady and successful.

Is a groom as gharjamai acceptable??

Is the culture of gharjamai fading these days, are Indians becoming more stigmatic about accepting their son- in – laws as house husbands, or its becoming a prestige issue for the Indian brides to have house husbands. This suddenly came to my mind, when one of my friends mentioned his wish of becoming gharjamai after marriage, the desire, which made all of go in great shock. Though he was kidding, but it made my mind to discuss this issue with you all, I mean how a guy in today’s time could want to spend his life over the support of his in- laws. The age, when everyone is the ruler of his life, why would someone want to lead his life, according to others wishes.

This is surely a topic, which highly depends on the thinking, the family background and the future plans of a person. A practise of house- husbands, or gharjamai, was followed in the earlier times, in rich and royal families, where the family used to have their girl as the only child and they did not have any successor to carry their name forward. In such cases, they used to request their son- in- law, to come and live in their house and work for their family business. But now- a- days, it has become a prestige issue for the groom to go and live in the house of the bride. Though, this practise is still prevalent in the some of the villages of the country.

In fact, many Indian grooms these days, out of generosity, offer a helping hand to the bride’s family, if her mother or father is a widower, and the bride is their only daughter. This is also because of the brides contributing equally towards earning the living for the family. So, I think it’s not totally bad for the groom to go and live with his in- laws family, till the time, he is also making equal efforts to run the house and make each person live happily. Otherwise, being totally dependent on the bride’s family, is surely unacceptable, and should not even be promoted by the bride and her family, because in any case, the groom has to realise his responsibilities towards his own kin and family.

Giving space to your life partner

The tag- handle with care does not only go with the delicate items made of glass and crystal, but these days, the tag is most suitable with the relationship shared between husband and wife. I hope that you will agree with me on the fact that relationship shared between married couples, though is very strong in terms of understanding and bonding, but at the same time is very subtle and emotional. You have to be very careful with the measures to make your relationship long-lasting and trustworthy. Marriage is the bond, which has dual nature, at times it is the strongest and sometimes it seems to be the weakest.

Well its weak or strong depends on the couple itself, they need to make sure that the strength of their relation is stable enough, that no one is able to create misunderstandings in their relationship. The steps have to be taken by both the husband and wife to ensure the longitivity of their love and bond shared. These days, being independent and self driven are the motives of every individual, whether its bride or groom, everyone wants to maintain their individuality and seek personal comfort and space in their lives. A common phenomenon, which is seen these days, is that either the husband or the wife has this habit of digging in too much in the lives of their partners. They need to understand the significance of the element of individuality and space required in each others life.

Peeping into the lives of others, after an extent becomes a headache for the person. Its fine to believe that they are your life partner and you have the right to know all the important happenings in their life, but this does not allows you to sit on his head every second. Everybody needs his space to live, and this is your duty as his partner to provide him that space and let him live the way he wants. This ways, the relation goes very smooth and a very healthy understanding and bonding is seen in such couples, who possess this attitude of taking things coolly and allowing your partner his space, where he can live his own life according to his wishes, obviously remaining in his limits.

Before Getting Married…

Wedding marks the beginning of a new life as the couple is tied in the bond of love forever. The meaning of marriage, today, is not complete without the mention of practicality though emotions continue to hold a significant place. It is very important that before making this lifetime commitment called marriage, one is 100% sure about seeing the match as future wife or husband.

Practicality, for modern generation, is as important as emotions and feelings. That means one should be completely aware of the financial position, religious beliefs, career comfort, personal space and family plan of his/ her would-be spouse before the wedding. One should not get married only because their parents or relatives believe it to be a good match. The concept of ‘arranged marriage’ has also modified with changing times as a couple doesn’t decide to tie the knot until they are comfortable with each other.

And then, how can one marry only because somebody has told them to? One needs to get into the depth of his/ her would-be partner’s life and know them and their lifestyle better. This is why the period of courtship is considered to be the most crucial and delicate times of a person’s life. Courtship is a phase where the prospective couple gets to know if they really are made for each other. They get to know more about the future spouse’s likes/ dislikes, lifestyle, behavior, general beliefs etc.

According to Indian beliefs, ‘Marriages are made in heaven’ and this bond does not last for only one but for seven lives. So, one should be prudent before pursuing this heavenly bond. Try to know if the potential partner is romantic, what religious beliefs are followed, how financially stable are they, when do they plan to begin the family, will they support the career moves, will there be some personal space in the relation and other such things. This shall help in making the right choice!

Sherlock Holmes Gets a New Task- Parents Skeptical About Prospective Matches Hire Detectives

The importance of marriages in India has been growing and gaining popularity in abroad as well. Marriage is a lifelong commitment between two individuals and is considered to be the most sacred relation in Hindu mythology.

The concept of marriage, now days, is facing an encounter with modernization. Television and Online Matrimonials are enough testimony to the evolving ways of getting married. They may facilitate or ease the process of finding the right match but also bring with them insecurities and uncertainties. Both parents and the individuals are always found concerned about the behavioral and characteristic traits of the potential match, guy or girl.

Since, one can never be sure of the habits and character of a person based on information from limited sources like relatives, neighbors, etc., why not hire a private detective? Yes, this is exactly what the Indian parents have been doing to make sure that the prospective son-in law or daughter-in-law is the perfect choice. In order to put the seal of surety and to confirm that they are not risking their child’s life by marrying him/ her off to that particular person, parents are hiring detectives.

The fact that matrimonial websites have comforted the process of finding good partners has been unanimously agreed to by parents. But, concerns have risen due to physical distance and absence of connection, thereby, encouraging them to hire services from an agency that can verify credentials of the match. While voicing their concerns, parents added that if they could spend lakhs of rupees on the wedding celebration, can’t they shell out a mere 1% to ensure lifelong happiness of their children.

The job of these detectives is to report about the prospective partner’s lifestyle, friend group, habits, etc. Investigation agencies agree to the spurt in their business as parents are increasingly hiring their services.