Monday, June 28, 2010

Marriage Bureau for HIV Patients

India is gradually progressing in its social views and breaking the shackles of conservative and orthodox beliefs. HIV infected patients have long been kept on the peripheries of the society but with time, they are also included in the social gatherings and given their due right to live like others. The latest advancement is the setting up of a marriage bureau in Mumbai for HIV patients.

Marriage is a venerable institution that completes individuals by uniting them with their life partners. The marriage of HIV patients is looked at with raised eyebrows as it involves having kids and sex related problems. But, this marriage bureau, NTP+ (Network in Thane by People Living with HIV/Aids) engages services of counselors to give authentic medical advice to the members. It is related to marrying, sex related issues, conducting post marriage life, having children, etc.

Marriage is a great way of bringing happiness and meaning to the lives of HIV patients. Those infected say that living with HIV teaches them to value every single relation, friend, contact, etc. as they become precious fulcrums of existence. NTP+ aims at enhancing the quality of life and providing sense of security to the patients irrespective of their gender, caste or age. It has become a networking platform for them with members of all ages-from kids to young as well as old men and women.

Like other non infected people, they too value the relations, in fact, much more. They must also experience all the gifts of life and find a life companion for themselves.

Hands down to the founder of the community, Shabana Patel, who is encouraging mingling between HIV patients. This is sure not only to give them a renewed sense of hope but also a larger than life dimension to their insecure lives.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Misunderstandings can lead to blunders

Relations are very precious; they need special care and attention. You need to be extra careful, when it comes to taking care of a relation. Whether it’s any relation, friendship, siblings, or marriage, every relation needs a proper nourishment to keep growing. There are many things which are needed to be kept in mind, to make a relation strong and reach a stage, where nothing can even touch the integrity of the bond. Especially, in case of the marriages, the couple needs to give extra attention to keep the relation going. The bond of marriage is very delicate; therefore support from both the sides, i.e. bride and groom both should work as the two ends of that wire, which if broken, from any either ends, will lead to stoppage of the flow of current, corresponding to the breakage of the relation.

There are tiffs, misunderstandings and fights, in every relation, but you need to make your relation, reach a stage, where no such things can act as a hurdle in the growth of your relation. The bride and groom are entirely responsible for the bonding they share. If you have great understanding with your partner, then no outsider can have the courage to spoil your relation. It’s only who are accountable for any problems in your relation and on the other hand also, it can be you only, because of whom you and your life partner will lead a happy married life.

According to me problems, whether, big or small, must be discussed with your partner. What’s the use of lingering it on, and on the other side keeping your partner guessing things? This increases the irritation level. Also, marriage is a very pure bond, so everything should be clear and transparent between the husband and wife. This not only adds to the life of your marriage bond, but also makes your life synchronize to happiness and satisfaction

Youth and Caste System in India

Marriages are synonymous to lifetime commitments and eternal bonding in India. But, it all seems to be much ado about nothing with so many obstacles being created by family folks and peers around marriages. Even after 63 years of independence, an individual cannot exercise the right to choose his/ her life partner.

Why do we keep reading about something or the other bothering our community elders every other day? An unnecessary fuss is always created over things like caste, religion, sect or sub-caste (gotra) and what not! How is it that parents and brothers prefer killing their daughters and sisters in the name of ‘honor’ than let them spend their lives with persons of their choice. It is very disheartening to see young couples dying for being in love across rural and urban areas in India.

Why is such injustice and brutality earmarking the concept of acceptable marriage? Rather than reinforcing the already weak institution of marriage, the so-called moral police of the society are further deteriorating it. Marriages make for celebrated occasions but are now continually associated with violence, murder, un-acceptance and betrayal that too not between the spouses but their relatives.

It is alarming to see that in a country where same-sex marriages are legal, a person is disowned if he chooses a life partner even of opposite sex. It spells extremes of death and doom on the couple daring to select a partner of his/ her choice. When we have progressed so much on all fronts and claim to have made women achieve empowerment why is it that we are still caught in trivial issues like caste, religion, gotra, etc. Let us open our minds and let everyone live their lives as they wish without dictating and dominating them. Our elders need to understand and live and let live.

Monday, June 14, 2010

India accepting the concept of love marriages

Earlier whenever we use to hear the word marriage, it simply meant arranged marriages. No one could ever think of love marriages. In fact love marriage was considered a crime in our grandparent’s generation. But now- a- days marriage corresponds to only word i.e. Love marriage. Most of the marriages in India today are love marriages. Parents today have become more open towards the concept of love marriage and are welcoming the our choices as their daughter in law or son in law. They are more concerned about our happiness rather than their pride and the so called name of their kin. Earlier this was the major excuse given by the family members, when the children use to ask about love marriage. But now, the times have changed and parents have modernized their approach towards love marriage.

In fact in the last few days, most of the wedding ceremonies I have attended were the legalization of bond of love between bride and groom. It is somehow very important in the Indian society to have permission of the parents for marriage and also their blessings are always believed to be very important for the whole marriage journey of the couple. It is actually very good news for the youngsters these days, as no more we need to take extreme steps of running away from our house or to marry against the choice of our parents. But still there are few families who even today like to stick with their orthodox believes related to marriage. They still believe that inter- caste marriage is the biggest of the evil practices that a human being can perform.

A lot more needs to be done to enlighten and modify the thought process of our oldies in respect to marriage and its practices. But, I think, if this much has been achieved, then more reformations can surely be seen in the coming future, with no parents coming in between the love marriage of their children. Thus, making their life a happy and a cherished one.

Presence of celebrities in marriages

A marriage in India corresponds to fun, enjoyment, masti, pop and gaiety. We are always in wait of our cousins to get married, so that we can have fun- filled time there. All the peppiness and friendliness experienced in the marriage of one our close relatives cannot actually match any of the functions attended in life. The chores and the naughty things at the relative’s weddings form great memories and are unforgettable. You generally carry and rejoice these memories for life long. Marriage in itself is a huge event and just imagine how special it would become if some celebrity joins the wedding ceremony.

Now- a- days presence of celebrities in the wedding ceremonies is a common practise, but for that you need to shed a huge amount from your pocket. The presence of celebrities in a wedding makes it more entertaining and more talked about. These celebrities vary according to the standards of the family members of the bride and the groom. It can vary from a laughter champion to a film actor. The contacts of the family members, with any of the people from the film industry also turn out to be productive at the time of marriage, with their glimpse or presence at the marriage function. Just one glance of the film stars, or just one photographs of their with the Indian marrying couple makes the moment more memorable and cherished for long.

It is actually one of those lavishes, which can only be bared by the brats of top nosh people of the society. It is kinds of that expenditure, which can only be spend by those who have that extra money to spend. This is also in a way to show the standards and the capabilities of the family by having an extravagant wedding affair. Also in India, the film stars are actually worshiped as god, so their presence in a wedding ceremony adds a lot the importance of marriage from just being an event. I, personally have never got the chance of witnessing such marriages, but surely would want to, atleast for once and add those moments in the memories of my life time.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Institution of Marriage is Demolishing in India

Indian matrimony has always been associated with words like eternity, lifelong, everlasting and forever. It is the most beautiful relation that completes a man and a woman as they spend all their lives together with each other. Though it is not so easy to establish a lasting relation, Indian couples have been hugely successful in doing so. The fact not only fascinates everyone but also encourages them to do the same.

As rosy it may sound, it has changed in today’s times being no more an incorrigible relation. It can now be easily influenced by even the most insignificant and trivial of the issues like incompatibility, lack of cleanliness, bringing work home, lack of time, watching television, communication gap and so on. With women becoming fully aware of their rights and demanding equality, marital tensions are mounting up as males are not able to handle this empowerment. Adultery, extra-marital affairs, ego clashes, suspicion and lack of faith are constantly becoming reasons for the increasing number of marriage break ups.

It is interesting to note as figures reveal that chances of break up in love marriages are higher than in arranged marriages. The records state that at least 50% love marriages and 30% arranged marriages in India end up in divorce. Breaking marriages is not unheard of anymore as rising numbers of couples are opting for separation these days. Out of 1,36,000 marriages solemnized in Delhi in 2009, 10,000 ended up in divorce courts. Like ‘every coin has two sides’, it is good that the couple does not have to suffer with each other forever if not compatible but such increasing figures are sure creating tensions and apprehensions.

The couples are forced to think twice before tying the knot as the sacred institution of marriage is seen crumbling.

Same Gotra Marriage : The Most Controversial Argument

Marriage in India is considered to be the most beautiful relationship one can ever have and this is why it is an elaborate affair that seeks blessings of hundreds of Gods and relatives. But, unfortunately this importance and sanctity attached to marriages has begun to come across as a false show. Every other day, one finds something or the other coming up against marriages- be it inter-caste or inter-religion or same sex or same gotra marriage.

After hundreds of ‘honor killings’ against inter-caste marriages, it is now the turn of same gotra marriages. Khaps and Panchayats of the villages are dead opposed to the concept of marrying within the gotra whereas urban India remains oblivion to the whole idea of the controversy. They seek to ban same gotra marriage and are demanding amendments in Hindu Marriage Act as they firmly believe that their ruling cannot be fettered even by the Constitution of India.

All the hype and controversy surrounding same gotra marriage is much ado about nothing. The recent spate of violence and khap-ordained ‘honour killings’ have become a cause for dismay in the minds of right thinking citizens. We dream of a society free of divisions of caste and creed but are constantly grappling with the might and power of the feudal mindset that perpetrates caste. Khaps have threatened to MPs and MLAs to take a decision and ban sagotra marriages- marriage between people belonging to same gotra.

At least I am not able to understand what the big deal about ‘gotra’ is. I am sure like me, many of us have no idea what gotra means and which one do we belong to. Loosely called sub-caste, my mind questions, wasn’t division on the basis of castes enough that this new element of sub-caste has been triggered to slice us further.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Marriages becoming more of a compromise

Marriage as a bond has always been cherished by couples. Married couples have always taken marriage as a life long bond and have from ages has been considered as a relation, which is meant to be forever. The forever bond of marriage has its longitivity due to the factors of love, care, trust and understanding. These elements are must to be instilled in the married life to sustain the bond of marriage and to make sure that the husband and wife lead a smooth and a happy married life. But, with the changing times and changing preferences of the people, marriage is no longer based on the factors of trust and care.

The emotions has no role to play in today’s world, what every body seeks for, at the end of the day is profit and growth. Love, sentiments, faith, all seems to be fading away with the people making more use of their brain rather than their hearts. And I would not be wrong in saying that marriages have become more of like a compromise than a bond based on mutual understanding. The couples should understand that if they feed their married life with the four basic elements of marriage, i.e. love, understanding, care and trust, then their married life would be more beautiful and worth living.

The couple needs to make sure that they share a good bonding between each other. The bond shared between them should not only be a show-off or an official tag to show the world that they are together, but their togetherness should actually because they need each other. Their married life should be a reflection of each others care and trust. Times are changing, our mindsets are changing but we should not allow the negative factors affect our mind and change the meaning of marriage and love in our lives.

Differences between parents can lead to disturbance in children’s life

Marriages these days have lost their meaning. No longer we get to see, marriage being practised as a life long bond, or as a relation where two souls become one after tying the knot of marriage. As discussed in my earlier blog marriage has more of become like a compromise, where the couple is nowhere in a situation to actually call their relation as a bond of love. An easy way to escape out of the marriage responsibilities and to disburden the pressure of marriage fights is divorce. Couples now a days, take marriage very lamely and even in case of small misunderstandings and fights opt for the route of divorce.

But have you ever thought how bad it can affect the future of your child, after you two get divorced. If I would have to some up the future of your child, then in mere terms, I would say that his life would be ruined. In fact, I am using a very small term, he will have no life, his personal, professional, all sectors of life will go hay way. The life is in no way would be a simple life, it would be life full of shackles, where the child would always be filled with questions in his mind, with restricted space to live and breathe freely.

Taking a chance in the form of giving birth to a baby, to give a new beginning to the married life or to start afresh is a very risky thing. This is very good, if the relation works out but a damn tough task to manage if the bride and the groom even after having a baby are not able to bring things on the right track. If the bride and the groom divorces each other, then the child becomes homeless and for the whole life swings in between the misunderstandings of his parents. Therefore, the couple should try and make things perfect, sorting out the differences between them, thereby paving a bright future for their child.